July Baby

Nutella crepes as a peace offering
For my mother
On the morning of my 25th birthday
Marinate myself in body wash
Lather like it’s something holy
Wonder if the full moon can tell me what to do with these birthing hips
All I know is plucking and pruning the flowers growing from my mouth
Every day try to satiate the cravings of the one within me
Grief wants what it wants so I ask everyone to kiss it better
The ocean is the only one that does it right
Standing in the steamed shower, I stare and stare and stare into the eye of the universe
Into my own eyes when I was 4
I fall into my gaze, through broken-looking glass, and into old dimensions
Endure the loss of myself in the before time, merely a preview of what comes after
Escape through a hole in the ozone layer, bring as much love with me as I can
Evening swim in the stars of the past
Remember surviving the failure of safety
Surf my small body through prophetic nightmares
Land back in this cold flat, older somehow
I move the flowers into the light
And myself back to bed