seeing a video of my great-grandma from 180,000km away

mum sends me a video of my great-grandma
            framed by concrete & balloons & the carpark-coloured sky
                        a canted view of her waving out the window to my family below
it’s her 104th birthday & the 13th month of lockdowns
            evening clapping & beautiful bloo passports
~
i try to imagine what’s it like
            i print off analogy maps tht i use to teach year nines simile
                        i fill them in: what are the aspects of this
                                    what do these feel like?
~
she was born during the first world war
            had a child to an american GI
                        consumed a bottle of whiskey a week
i hate to admit therapists have been right
            but it must be one foot then another foot
~
i sell my body for 55 hours a week
            & it feels ordinary
~
i am just one of 78 billion agricultural animals
~
the titanic sank for two hours
            people had time to distract themselves
~
watching the video i can’t help but feel like
            tears would be a commodity
~
no one in close family has died
but when they do the content will remain
            the thumblike selfies w generous ceiling views
                        will acquire reactions in-between sponsored posts

~
all the while a new wave of intergenerational tension is crashing down
            in the form of the hatred for skinny jeans
it took me so long to realise i didn’t hate boomers
                        i just hate landlords
~
tht i was so righteous in poems about politics
            when i was buried in the landfill of propaganda
~
how is it different when my grandma believes
            tht the EU wouldn’t allow the sale of bent cucumbers
we are all in some big tent
                        we all are hooked by something
~
bc between the crying & the working
            how was i supposed to know rocketlab
                        were sending US military payloads into space?
~
how was i supposed to know about shelly bay & the wellington company
            when i was too busy killing the planet stuck in commuter traffic
~
i can’t possibly drag myself out of the primordial soup of the infodemic
            to go live in the woods now
all i do is watch
                        paralysed by ddos of petitions
flailing my arms like a tube man
            sad reacting to every post