bury that thought

i.

After I had another thought of you I
Buried it in my backyard / a
Corpse of all the days we could’ve counted coerced into
Dirt / decomposing with half-dead fruit flies / destined to 
Eat at the earth beside them /
Each thought existing only through
Fever dreams / scenes where you’re fastening your seatbelt to meet me at a
Gas station / 10 years from now / the gravitational pull between our bodies
 	going / 	going / 	gone

ii.

How do I tell you that hatred handed me a fruit 
And it rots / in every room I carry it into
	I swallow it 	(stone and all)
Teaches me that you can be held by the love of your life 
	/ yet feel nothing at all 

Inside my head I built an empty table
Imagine dragging knife to fork through all that nothing 
Imagine ingesting each fruitless action
Should have known I didn’t have to plate them up
	just to prove that they were mine 

iii.

All I asked for was an unconditional love 
That wouldn’t violate the lack of conditions that we loved.
Wishful thinking is a dead animal in the yard 
	and we’re too old to be convinced it’s only sleeping
Waking it anyway / watching it crawl guiltily into its owner’s warmth
Please exile it back into the ground when we part 
Please forget the fruit that didn’t rot and 
	please know
	I am trying 
 Not to bury you 
	with me