My favourite pornhub category lately
is ‘couple in loving, solid relationship’
Under the sheets
I’m getting myself off to
the idea of stability, a home
of my own, an armchair
Moulded to the shape of this body
I own, also:
a kitchen table, content to be scarred
with marks I put there
I put them there over
the years, placing bowls of too-hot food
In front of people, people
who will never leave
I want to write so
I-crop-the-edge-off-my-arm-in-pictures-so-you-won’t-see-i’m-fat honest that
Your hand comes off the page bloodied by my shame
I want to write so small-specific-detail that
You know it was real life
You know I have shared something real
And something alive
I have shared it
With you
